One More Chance... (Bad Relationships Knowing... | Gather

This is the opening to my latest book project; it's a painful reality for many victims stuck in a web?of distruction as they search for Love. Many of us want to tell them that the love they seek is within themselves...

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One More Chance...

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Damn! How I love that man and want him to do the right thing , so we can succeed in this relationship. Everyone told me he was a looser and I suspect that made me more anxious to succeed in this relationship, so we could show them all that Fred is much more than what they assumed.

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Fred was 29 when we began dating, which made him two years older than me; that was four years ago. My mom would often say ?Grace, I think it's time for you to throw in the towel.? It's so easy for folk to provide you with their unsolicited advice, but what about me and my needs; I wanted to blurt out each time someone stated that I should leave that man...

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I suspect it's really screwed up when your own subconscious sends you the same messages in the form of signals; I could be asleep or awake and the visions always the same; a pictures of me leaving, songs saying go away and constantly daydreaming of that moment when I'd walk out...

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Damn! I can't leave Fred is what they don't understand. Fred has threaten to kill me or hurt others I love; including himself if I ever walked out that door, now can I have that on my conscious? It's deeper than the threats; I keep wondering what would become of me if I left. Would I ever find love again? Would leaving him mean leaving myself? Would I be scared and all alone if I dared say goodbye. Is there something out there for me that lurks beyond my fear? I have tons of questions. My questions reveal the greater part of me, so they could not be shared aloud; not even with friends,who I suspect truly care for me.

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Fred and I argued all day everyday; breaks occurred only during the eight hours that I work to support us and occasionally when we are sharing intimacy. I know those close to me think I am a fool for taken care of him, but I wish I could tell them what this man does for me and how he makes my body snap, crackle and pop! Sometimes Fred and I fight and afterword we make great music together. Sometimes it's difficult to allow him on top of me after he has called me the most degrading names or beat my ass so bad that I hate him...

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After we fight, Fred explains to me what the true problems disturbing him are and he promises not to hit me ever again or say ugly things about me. Fred says I am his queen. Being a queen is special and not every woman a man has in his life becomes his queen, so I have a special place in this mans life and everybody wants me to throw in the towel.

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My sister Tasha is always calling me dumb and stupid for staying with a looser; she says. Well, with that type of support from my own sister - how could I possibly leave. Whats so different about others calling me names or my man calling me names? I wish someone truly explained to me how to get out without hurting; instead of degrading me further for being afraid of the unknown...

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I've spent the past four years with this man who has told me daily that I'd never find another man like him, so why in the hell would I rush to get rid of something so rare? He beats me and I don't like it, but have you listened to the news lately? Everybody is getting their ass kicked by somebody. This man you all call looser has a big heart and sometimes he treats me so good and he make me feel so brand new and special. I said that man rings my bell and makes me feel great! He washed my body the other day from head to toe and rubbed me down; way down deep... Whose going to rub me when he's gone? Whose going to protect me from this bad world when I'm all alone?

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I could tell the nurse at the hospital emergency room knew I was lying when I told her I fell and suffered a broken shoulder and two black eyes. The look she gave me said she didn't believe me; especially since I was just there not long ago, because my nose was broken and had to be repositioned; I suspect she didn't by the kitchen cabinet story either.

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Oh Lord! I wish you could help Fred through his pain, so we can be happy just like everybody else. I know there are happy people in this great big world. Once upon a time I was very beautiful and perhaps if I had left than I could have found that love that everybody else appears to have, but Fred has damaged me and he says that now I am just damaged goods that no one but him wants; so now I am just suppose to walk out into the unknown alone?

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I keep telling Fred I'll give him Just one more chance; he accepts and we are fine sometimes for days. I suspect that I am truly just afraid to face myself for each time I give that man one other chance he blows it! So, I am asking somebody, anybody and everybody why can't that man treat me right. Why should I give him up and than some other woman benefits when he does change?

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I keep hearing from others that I should give myself one more chance to be free and happy. They say that one day Fred will kill me or hurt me so bad that it will feel like death. I can't pull the plug just yet because I promised Fred that I'd give him one more chance and I'm not a liar. Besides, I deserve to have the new Fred now that he's been given one more chance...

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My Prayer: God protect those that are lost and confused. I pray that you give the victim ONE? MORE CHANCE to realize your grace... Latonya Peterson; author of The Cradle Robber, There's One Nut in Every Family and Make Me Feel Good: You Must Define your own Self-worth.

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